Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
