Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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