i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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