I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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