STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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