So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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