i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
