My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
