shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Someone shit on the floor
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize