he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
