member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A bitchslap is in order.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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