she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
