he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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