i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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