My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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