idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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