Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
