I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
