I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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