I wish I could punch you in the face.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
