im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
