the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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