Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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