you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Farmville is her only friend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize