you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
