On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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