You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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