Your tits are I can't wait for
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
