She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
