There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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