How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
