I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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