I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
