I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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