is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
