he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
