I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
