Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize