His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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