My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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