im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
