six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
