bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
