We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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