Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
