I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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