There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
