she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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