He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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