Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
