OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
