my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
