OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
