As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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