I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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