he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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