How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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