No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
