This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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