yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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