I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
