Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
