I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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