Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
