She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
