the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
