i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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