I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
