i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize