According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
