i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize