smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
