White coat. Heels.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
