I will die if light touches me.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
