I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
