Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
