i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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