whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
