Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
