I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
