she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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